Remember Me
by GrandLadyMother
Summary: In the hospital again for leukemia, what'll Shinpachi do when he meets an interesting new room mate in the live-in quarters? ShinXSano SoujiXHiji My sister and I wrote this


**November 10, 1999**

"Okita-san!" Saki cried as she wandered the hallways of Tokyo City Communative Hospital. The cancer unit was rather quiet today, and the uneasiness of it made her nervous. Usually Okita was spreading cheer, but today was solumner than most. He was nowhere to be found. As she rushed around, looking desperately for the man she was hired to care for she spied Yamazaki, Ayumu, a collegue, heading her way with a new patient. Gasping she rushed to her, grabbing her by the kimono sleeve and shaking her arm slightly. "You haven't seen Okita-san, have you?!" when Ayu shook her head slightly, Saki hung hers with a sigh.

"Don't tell me-"

"He's gone...again TT-TT" Saki whined. It wasn't that her patient liked to tease her like this, or that he really even disliked Saki-chan. He just couldn't stand being in one place for very long. Be it his room, the cafeteria, the outdoor porch, or any other place the live-in portion of the hospital offered. He hated it, usually to be found gone, and wreaked havoc on Saki-chan's nerves.

"He might be on the south staircase." Ayu offered and Saki straightened up with another melodramatic gasp.

"I didn't think of that!" and she was gone again, scurrying like a field mouse in the direction of the stairs that led the the floor below. Ayumu laughed after her and the patient of her own watched until the black-haired nurse was out of sight.

"Who went missing?" he asked curiously, like the child he might have been. His mess of red hair was drawn into a low, short ponytail and looked very loud against the plain, white hospital gown he had on. Ayu glanced at him and laughed.

"Okita, Souji." she chuckled as they continued to walk toward the room he was being moved into as of today. The beds were running out with recent suicide attempts of a fanatic cult, obsessed with the end of the world. There wasn't enough room anywhere, except in the live-in quarters. So most cancer patients were being moved there for space. "He's a sweet kid." she beamed. "It's a wonda Saki keeps losin' him, though." Shinpachi blinked at this, it didn't seem all that surprising for a patient to just wander away when no one was looking. After all, he himself had done it many times the first time he'd been in the hospital for his leukemia. He hadn't had all that much time to find places to escape to, since this was his first week back. As they had passed them Shin had noted how they'd made most of his previous hideouts inaccessable.

"Doesn't seem all that amazing." he said boredly as she opened the door of the room he was going to be sharing with someone. She chuckled as she led him in.

"It's amazin' fo' him." she stated as she pulled back the crisp, starched sheets of the bed he was to occupy. "Let's get you settled in, okay Shin-Chan?" he nodded as she said his name with her Kyoto accent of hers. It was a little odd since they were in Tokyo, though. Then she motioned for him to climb up. Feeling a little dumb he obeyed and discovered the bed was adjustable. For the next twenty minutes, he and Ayu had a blast rocking the bed up and down.

"You really shouldn't do that, you could fall!" Saki cried from outside the door and Ayu turned, thinking maybe she was talking to them. But no, alas, she was scolding Souji, having found him at last. Moments later the door opened and Saki continued scolding like a mother hen. "The stairs are for others! Use the elevators, that's what they're for!" through the heavy door she wheeled in a man perhaps a couple years older than Shinpachi at seventeen. His long, dark hair was in a thick braid down his right shoulder. His equally dark eyes were piercing and kind at once. He wore a plain, white, cotton kimono with a dark obi, and matching tabi and zori were on his feet. He sat with his legs crossed in an old-fashioned wheelchair.

"You found 'im." Ayu said thankfully and Saki scowled. Shinpachi had a feeling she was a lot angrier than she was letting on.

"He was on the landing staring out the windows!" she cried and Souji grinned sheepishly. Ayu looked surprised.

"That landin' again! How do yo' even get thea on yo' own?!" she laughed and Souji held a finger before his lips.

"Trade secret." Shinpachi couldn't help but stare. His voice was high and feminine. If Ayumu hadn't said earlier that he was male, Shinpachi wouldn't have believed it at all. "Who's this?" the older male asked after a second, setting his bright eyes on Shinpachi at last. It was then that Ayu seemed to remember he was behind her.

"Introduce yo'self, hun." she grinned and Shin blinked, sliding a little behind Ayu again and she laughed. "This is Shinpachi." she said when it was aparent that the red-head wouldn't. "Nagakura, Shinpachi." Souji beamed and rolled his wheelchair away from Saki, coming near the end of Shin's bed.

"Pleased to meet you." he said in the most ordinary, girlish voice you could imagine. It made the red-head blush slightly for some odd reason.

"Uh, yeah." he mumbled, watching Souji as he rolled past again and to the wide window on the wall to Shinpachi's right.

"I don't like these windows!" he whined aloud and Saki leaped at him this time.

"Well, stay here! It's too dangerous to have you going down on the stairs by yourself!" Ayu dragged her out then, leaving the boys to themselves. Shin watched Souji from behind as he stared out at the rain pounding against the window pane. He was about to say something when Souji spoke. And the question that came from him felt almost random.

"Do you play Shogi?" cocking his head to the left, Shin said the only thing that came to mind.

"HUH?" the dark-haired male wheeled around to look at the red-head with a bright smile.

"I used to play it all the time at home. I lived in a community home with a bunch of kendo teachers, so in my spare time I played Shogi with them." as he laughed out his response Shin-Chan realized that he was probably feeling homesick. Hell, he'd just gotten here a week ago and he was ALREADY feeling homesick for his brothers' crappy, homecooked meals. Shaking his head he watched Souji smile brightly. "Want me to teach you?" he asked and Shinpachi blinked in surprise. He'd played Shogi only once. A long time ago with his Papa.

"No thanks." he muttered, looking at the floral-patterened wallpaper, trying to focus away from his parents. Souji's smile fell, sensing he'd said something wrong, and he looked back out the window as the rain came down.

The weeks passed quickly in the hospital, and soon it was thanksgiving. Ayu snuck in a special cake for the four of them, including Saki who wouldn't touch it for fear of getting into trouble. Souji laughed and waved a hand at her.

"You've got no adventure!" she scowled at him for this, and ended up taking an especially large piece for show. School-kids of Shin's sent cards and decorations for both Thanksgiving and Christmas and together, Ayu and Shinpachi hung them about the room while Souji supervised, calling that they were crooked now and again. In the end half of the decorations ended up falling down and this time Souji heaved himself out of his chair to help, though Ayu protested.

**December 5, 1999**

Shin-Chan was sitting in a wheelchair by the window when Souji wheeled through the door. His face was pale under his red hair and he looked very stark in the evening light. Souji rolled toward him and came to sit beside him at the window.

"I don't like these windows." he said in a soft voice and Shinpachi nodded slowly. He looked like he'd been sick. Most people did their first week on Chemo. Souji didn't remember his first week anymore, he'd been gassed, poked, prodded, and medicated too many times to remember any longer.

"I know." the red-head said in a very soft voice. Souji nodded slowly.

"Something wrong?" he asked gently and Shin glanced at him.

"Sanosuke didn't come today." the plum-haired male looked at him in a sad way.

"Sanosuke...the man who's come in with Ayumu and her brother?" the red head nodded.

"Ayu's my nurse because I've known her brother for years. And Sanosuke didn't come today." he mumbled and Souji gave another nod pulling on the neckline of his kimono. He'd done this so many times since Shinpachi had started sharing a room with him, the red head guessed it was a way of sympathizing. It was an expression of pain in his heart, he figured. The older man smiled at him.

"I'm alone on visiting day too, you know?" he chuckled and Shin nodded. It was true, Souji was always alone on visitation day. He talked about the kendo teachers he had lived with, and sometimes a sister that lived in America with her husband, but he'd never seen the man get one visitor in the near month they'd known eachother. Shinpachi had lost count of how many times his own brothers and Sano had come to see him, and Souji had been forced to endure the happiness of the red-head. He had a feeling this was the older males kind way of saying "It's only one missed visit. It'll be fine.".

"Yeah." the younger boy said softly, turning to look at the things his classmates had sent him since he'd gotten there. There was a crane, because of a book they'd studied in class; art supplies, since the boy was known to doodle more than study; a few get well cards, and even a bottle of Ramune he'd never opened because the doctor had told him he couldn't have it. Now it seemed a bit silly since it probably wouldn't be drinkable when he got out of here.

The sound of coughing beside him made him turn to see it was Souji. He was leaning forward in his wheelchair, hacking into his palm, looking as if he couldn't breathe. This startled the red head, and he jumped forward in his own chair.

"Are you alright?!" the coughing ceased and Souji looked up at him in genuine surprise before smiling and saying in a coarse voice.

"I'm fine, don't worry." he chuckled and turned away as Shin rolled toward his own bed, a little unnerved and wanting to lay down. Souji's voice halfway there caught him and he glanced back at him in surprise to what he said. "Shin-Chan, don't tell Saki, okay?" he asked and the red head blinked, seeing the purple-headed male wasn't looking at him.

"Yeah, no problem." he mumbled as the door opened and Ayu walked in with a message that Sano had a cold and was apologizing endlessly on the phone if he wanted to talk to him. She was grinning, as she always teased the two about being a couple, until the agrivated look on Shinpachi's face made her smile drop. He shook his head when she asked what was wrong, rolling into the hallway to answer the nearest phone once Ayu told him the extention.

Souji watched with a smile as Shinpachi babbled on the phone like a teenage girl with one of her friends as Ayu drew the curtains saying something about the direct sunlight not being good for them.

"Thea always like this", she said in a sweet, quiet voice as she pulled the curtains closed behind him; Souji smirked.

"I'll bet", he said lightly, as a big smile spread over the red head's face, he had to stop himself from chuckling. Ayumu gave a soft cackle and took the sheets off of the nearby bed.

"Thea really cute togetha...", she said lightly, "Sanosuke gets really calm around him an' he laughs a lot moa.", Souji giggled.

"They seem perfect together", he said lightly; Ayumu laughed again.

"Sano makes Shinpachi mad a lot, Susumu says that he has a talent for it."

Souji smiled at this and backed up in his wheelchair before rolling nonchalauntly toward the doorway. Ayu jumped at this and cried out the way all concerned nurses did.

"Whea you goin'?!" she cried and Souji grinned back at her.

"The landing." he said simply and she grinned sheepishly at this.

"Be ca'eful." she said as an older sister would and Souji laughed, nodding at this before vanishing from the doorway as easily as a ghost.

New years rolled around quickly and on New Years Eve, Souji was sitting up with Shinpachi and his brothers, Tetsu and Tatsu. Sanosuke was there too, but had gone down to the cafeteria for refreshments since Shinpachi's chemo had him craving pudding like a fiend. This was supposedly strange since the red heads brothers both said that he normally hated the stuff. Souji was wrapped up in a heavy rug with a scarf around his throat as the window had been opened. He was very pale, his hands in his lap. Ayu and Saki had braided his hair after he'd gone for a shower, so it was still wet in it's thick length.

"Okay, I've got pudding, chocolate of course, and tea for the prudes." Sano laughed as he came back in Saki in tow. She was a little flushed and bright, a wide smile on her face.

"Okita-San! There're some visitors for you!" she cried and Souji gave her a confused look as a group of 7 filed in after her. His eyes grew wide and unexpressive as his lips trembled between a smile and a frown. He looked both happy and about to cry. There was one woman in the group and she held a little girl on her lap while a man beside her, presumeably her husband, held a boy. She looked very much like the man in the wheelchair, but was nearly ten years his senior. Behind the family were three more men. The tallest looked very cool, a smile on his face, his long dark hair held up in a high ponytail. His kimono was all black and he wore tabi and zori as the other two did. The second was a round man, considerably older than the other two, his hair tied in a top-knot. He wore a black and white kimono on his broad shoulders. The third was a leaner male, his hair, much shorter than the firsts, was in a ponytail as well. He was pale and gave Shinpachi the impression of a sleepy bear.

"Souji." the woman said weakly and Souji blinked. Moving slowly, Souji had heaved himself out of his wheel chair and was teetering onto his feet. Shinpachi blinked at this as Saki began to squawk over his hurting himself. He'd never seen Souji get out of that wheel chair ever but once to help with decorations.

The cool looking man immediately stepped forward to catch him if he fell, Souji gave him a sweet smile, one that he hadn't immediately given to his family and the man smiled back instinctively. Immediately Souji grabbed onto the man, letting him help as he heaved him towards the others. The woman handed her child off to her husband and came forward, wrapping Souji in a gentle hug. When she was finished she stepped back and took her child back from her husband, who smiled at Souji and nodded. The eldest man stepped forward now, a bright smile on his face.

"Still causing trouble I hear, eh Souji?", he jested at Souji, the cool looking man that was holding Souji on his feet looked like he was contimplating hitting the older man until Souji giggled and replied.

"Of course! You know me, besides it gets so BORING around here!", the cool looking man got a stern look on his face.

"Souji, you're here because you're sick, not because it's supposed to be fun!", he snapped, the older man laughed again.

"Oh, Toushi, layoff", but Toushi was obviously not ready to lay off because he gave the elder man a dark look and wrapped his arm tighter around the sick man against him, Souji giggled.

"Oh, now there's no use fighting over it! Hijikata-san, the nurses keep me in line well enough. Please don't tell me you came all the way here from Kyoto to lecture me.

"I believe that wasn't his first intention", almost everyone in the room jumped and Souji smiled even wider, vaulting into the group to come out behind them in the arms of a very dark looking man. He giggled loudly and held onto the man for dear life, not noticing the lemonized look on Toushi's face.

"Hajime!", the man chuckled and started walking back towards Toushi, taking Souji with him and handing him off to Toushi once again.

"As I said, I don't believe that that was his original intention, he's been talking of nothing else since we started traveling." Souji giggled and wrapped his arms around Toushi's arm, hugging it tightly to him.

"You could have come see me without the fanshow", he said nicely, the elder man laughed a good hearty laugh.

"Oh, come now Souji, you should know your friend better than that! You know he hates the idea that we all would tease him if he came up here to see you alone", Souji stuck his tongue out playfully at the elder man.

"Well then don't tease him!", the sickly man supplied.

"Well said", the woman with the child with a giggle.

Shinpachi watched Souji curiously. He'd never seen him smile this much. True, he was always smiling, but not like this. Not so genuinely. The four still forgotten in the room seemed all at once to be envelopped into the conversation as Souji sank onto Shinpachi's bed beside him. The red head made no fuss, he had known to some extent that the plumb-haired male wouldn't be standing for long.

"It's lively in hea." Ayu laughed as she walked in carrying a new years cake, her younger brother coming in behind her. By now the room was very full and Saki was fussing Souji back into his wheel chair.

"You're going to put yourself into a fit!" she insisted but Souji laughed at her, waving a hand boredly. Hijikata had come to sit beside him on the bed that was currently unoccupied. Half an hour later Most of the company was, sitting on Shinpachi's bed or in chairs Saki and Ayu had pulled in, crowded around the small TV mounted on the wall. Saki, much to everyone's surprise was handing out cake and acting almost calm. Souji and Hijikata were alone on Souji's side of the room, watching the TV from a good distance. More than once before the count down the entire room got yelled at for their loudness and were threatened of being tossed out until both Saki and Ayumu promised to keep the noise down.

**January 29, 1999**

Shinpachi awoke to the sound of gasping, like a fish out of water. Sitting up and squinting he spied Souji sitting up in bed.

"What're you doing?" the red head asked almost warilly and when Souji didn't answer, he switched on his desk lamp. Souji sat curled up in his bed, bent over his knees, struggling for air. His eyes were wide as they fixed on Shinpachi. "Are you alright?!" he cried and Souji let out a meager cough, pointing at the emergency button. Without even thinking, Shinpachi punched it as hard as he could.

"Is everything-" Saki froze as she walked in the door, but only for a moment before she rushed across the room. "Okita-San!" she cried and yanked an oxygen tank from under the bed. Shinpachi watched in silent horror until she looked to him. "Go get another nurse." her voice was grave. Nodding and climbing from the bed, Shinpachi cast one more glance back at Souji as Saki pressed an oxygen mask over his nose and mouth. She spoke to him gently. "I need you to try and breathe in." she said gently and he struggled to comply. Then Shinpachi opened the door and hurried out in search of a nurse.

Everything felt silent as Shinpachi watched them load Souji into wheel chair and hurried him out. He'd never seen Souji like this, and to see it now was strange. His head was light and he ended up falling asleep as he waited for Souji to return.

He awoke to the sound of the television rambling out some indistinct words and struggled to open his eyes. Once he had he spied a familiar plumb-haired head and was sitting up in a matter of moments. The creak of the bed made Souji turn his head and Shinpachi blinked. Over his nose and mouth he had an oxygen mask. Tubes were connected in a hole in his throat and covered with gauze. A hanger held a bag of some kind of medication fed through an IV in his arm and sitting on the foot-rest of the wheelchair was a cathetar bag. Souji's face was pale as he tried to smile at the younger male.

The younger man got into his own wheelchair and made his way to Souji's bed, making sure not to make his heart work too hard as that would send him into a cardial episode. He smiled at the older man as he got to his bedside and sat there panting for a moment, he supposed that this was why they were put in the same room, in the end neither of them would be as lively as some of the other patrons if only because of their conditions.

"You look aweful", the red head said gently, placing his hand on his friend's wrist, "but I'm glad you're alright, I was so worried when they took you away this morning." Souji gave a meek nod and Shinpachi looked at the older boy's throat tube.

"It was bad enough that they had to do a tracheostomy?", his hand gripped Souji's wrist tighter, "does it hurt?" The older man shook his head and gave a smile that told Shinpachi that it did.

"It's kind of depressing isn't it? Knowing how and when we're going to die...it can get you scared if you let it. It's so sad...that we have so many words left and not enough time to express them all", he leaned over, one hand clutching at the kimono folds infront of his heart and the other holding the purple haired man's wrist as he lay his head on the edge of the bed. He said nothing more for a long time; he just sat there, holding onto the robes infront of his heart. Souji knew it must've hurt, the boy had been having heart pain in the past few months. What he said was true, it was depressing, and he had the feeling that both of them were very very scared, they had about the same amount of time to live.

"Sanosuke's going to be absolutely broken when you die...", he said meekly, "it's obvious that he loves you alot", Shinpachi tilted his head to look at the older man.

"I know", he said as a tear dripped over the bridge of his nose, "but look at you, you're going to have a lot of people down when you go..." Souji smiled weakly and Shinpachi got an idea.

"We're gonna die together, alright?", Souji looked bemused.

"What?", Shinpachi smiled and just barely lifted his head, he was getting excited and was panting now, Souji glanced at the emergency button above his head as he red head continued with his idea.

"We've got about the same amount of time left right? We're gonna die together...", Souji gave another nervous glance at the emergency button.

"Why?", Shinpachi was panting harder, his grip on his kimono tightening until his knuckles were white.

"So we don't have to go alone? So our families don't have to go through it alone? Because you're my only friend left outside of Sanosuke? Please, Souji?", the older boy didn't answer and Shinpachi started panting harder, when both of the boys hands moved to grasp at his robes and he'd crumpled a little in his chair, Souji reached up and pushed the emergency button.

"Please?", the younger boy rasped as a nurse hurried into the room to rush the red head out, "promise?", Souji gave a nodd and a weak smile, he doubted that it would actually happen that way, Shinpachi had nearly a month more than he did, but as long as promising him kept him out of a cardiac episode, he would promise. Reaching for the telephone that was on the wall, he dialed the out number and dialed the number that Toushi had given him during their last visit. It rang and he got a little nervous, it rang again.

"Hello?", Souji's heart fluttered as he heard Toushi's voice.

"Toushi?", he said through his oxygen mask; he was amazed that the older man recognized his voice.

"Souji?", he smiled, it was true what Shinpachi had said, there were so many words and not enough time to express them, so he chose the words that he had wanted Toushi to hear the most for so long.

"I love you Toushi", then he hung up, not bothering to reach to put the phone back on it's hook, he dropped it onto the floor, letting its cord hang between the two components and fought off crying.

**February 14, 1999**

"We shouldn't be doing this. We REALLY shouldn't be doing this!" Shinpachi whined as Souji led the way, rolling along in his wheelchair, toward the landing. Saki had gone somewhere at Souji's request and it gave them just long enough to sneak out as both were supposed to be bed-ridden. This little term meant nothing to Souji except that it would be a lot more fun to sneak around Saki-Chan.

"Oh, come on." Souji laughed, turning his head to look at Shinpachi. They both were expecting visitors today and the best way to see the hospital entrance was on the landing. Therefore, Souji had made up his mind a week in advance that they'd be spending the morning on the landing in wait.

"How the hell do you even plan on getting down there?!" the red head was carrying on and Souji made a face at him as he reached the stairs.

"Just watch me." he laughed and jerked his wheels forward, leaning back to pop a wheelie. Shinpachi's mouth went dry. Working the large wheels back and forth slowly, Souji worked his way down the stairs as fluidly as if he were walking. Once he made it to the landing he wheeled around and smiled up at the gaping red head, his smile bright. He still had a bandage taped to his throat from his thracheostomy, as the tubes were reattatched once in a while. Shinpachi laughed at him.

"Oh...My...God." Saki had been trying to figure out for months how Souji got down those steps and he'd just discoverd the secret by asking a simple question. 'How?'. A little too timid to try, Shinpachi climbed from his chair and wheeled it down the steps. All the way down Souji teased him about being a coward, but Shinpachi read into it like Sano read into everything. He just didn't.

"Oh! Oh! There he is!", Souji squealed as he saw a dark figure pacing at a long stride towards the hospital doors, Shinpachi smiled and wheeled over towards him after he'd placed himself down in his chair.

"Do you see Sano?", he asked curiously, Souji giggled and scanned the parking lot below, Shinpachi did as well, but his heart dropped a little as he found no sign of Sanosuke. Souji smiled at this.

"You know, he could just be running a little late", Shinpachi nodded and continued scanning, Souji did as well.

"They're gone!", Toushi stopped at the hospital room that Shinpachi and Souji shared only to find a little nurse standing there freaking out, "I can't believe it!", she whimpered before pushing past him slightly and heading off down the hall. At this moment the man that he had come to know as Sanosuke arrived only to be surprised by the empty room as well.

"Oh mah...", Ayumu giggled as she came up on the two men gaping at the empty room, then she lead them down the hall to the stairs, "come on", she said lightly.

"You know he could already be in the building, we did take our time getting down here", Shinpachi giggled at that thought.

"Yeah right", he said with a laugh as he looked back down at the parking lot, "Sanosuke's always late for everything."

"I am NOT!", both men in their wheelchairs jumpd and waved, giving nice smiles.

"I am going to KILL YOU!!", they jumped again to see Saki standing in the emergency doors that lead to the floor adjacent to the landing.

"RUUUUUUUUUUN!" Souji screamed at the top of his lungs wheeling madly for the elevator. Shinpachi hurried after him as Ayu led the men at the top of the stairs toward the elevator as well.

"You won't get away with this!" Saki cried, shaking her fist and breaking out into a run toward her escaping patients. The elevator door slammed as she reached it and she let out an angry screech from beyond it. Souji was laughing so hard he was coughing and Shinpachi was almost worried that he'd need his oxygen machine soon enough.

"Causing trouble as always." Toshizou laughed as Souji beamed at him from inside the elevator. As he wheeled out the older brunette took hold of his wheel chair handles and Souji lifted his hands into his lap.

"What's the fun of being here if I can't cause a little turmoil once in a while." he croaked and Hijikata sighed.

"Let's just get you back to your room." this sent Souji into whining about wanting to go outside and sit in the shade. Toushi said 'no'. After a few minutes of childish bickering, Ayu suggested they take an oxygen tank and mask if they wanted to go that far. So, in the end, Souji got his wish.

"You shouldn't be running around like this." Souji heard Hijikata say gently once they'd both settled outside under a large sakura tree. Souji turned his head and offered a gentle smile.

"I know." he offered but Toushi gave him a grave look.

"Then why do you?! You won't get better if-" he began but Souji fixed him with a gentle smile. They'd already told him that they didn't expect him to live another year. But to tell Hijikata-San this, it hurt far too much. It would hurt them both far too much. Reaching slowly he clasped the older man's hand weakly and squeezed gently.

"Don't worry about it so much." he chuckled and Hijikata scooted closer to him.

"I don't understand you sometimes." he sighed, stroking the plum-colored head softly. It made Souji smile.

"You're on time, I'm surprised." Sanosuke blushed at the red heads comment and looked away.

"Yeah, well, fine! Next time I'll come so late you'll think I've forgotten about it." Shinpachi grinned.

"If you're telling me now, how will I think you've forgotten?"

Sanosuke turned redder and reached down to tickle his companion, Shinpachi giggled, pushing the older man's hands away before rolling to the window silently. Sano took this as a sign that the red head wanted to talk and followed him.

"What's wrong?", he asked gently, Shinpachi stared out the window and gave a nice smile as he smoothely changed the subject.

"This view is really pretty, you should see it at sunset", Sano reached down and tipped the younger boy's face up to look at him.

"Answer me", he said gently, Shinpachi didn't answer for a long time as he stared up at his friend, his eyes never leaving Sanosuke's; then he smiled gently and reached up and pulled his friend down.

"Nothing is wrong", he said gently before kissing the older man gently, slowly Sano sank to his knees and wrapped his arms around Shinpachi's ribs. Before he knew what was happening, Shinpachi's full weight was on him and he fell back, the red head being dragged with him, he released his mouth then.

"I think there is something wrong with you", Sano said cheerfully as his friend lay his head on his chest.

"Okay", the red head replied in a soft tone, "I'm going to rest"

"What's wrong?", Toushi asked as he looked at his long time friend's weak smile.

**March 18, 1999**

"I don't want to go in!" Souji cried as a small child might as Saki wheeled his chair around and began to walk him toward the hospital doors. "Why do I have to? It's so nice today." She didn't answer him at first but when she did, her voice was soft.

"It's too cold out here for you, you're trachea will get irritated." he frowned at this, knowing he couldn't argue, and just let her take him in. It wasn't really cold for early March, but there was no point in telling her so. She'd just restrict his perramiters more. What good would that do him?

Ayu and Shinpachi looked up from the decorations they'd been hanging up when Saki wheeled Souji in early. Ayu let out a cry and waved her hands.

"What'a ya doin' hea?! You were supposed to be anotha ten minutes!" she cried and Saki shrugged.

"He didn't argue, what was I supposed to do?" Souji was looking around curiously, his hands folded in his lap.

"What're you doing?" he asked almost shyly and Ayu shrugged now, kneeling before him.

"It's your birthday." she said simply and Souji binked again, cocking his head at her.

"How do you-?" he asked but Shinpachi waved a hand and pointed at a small pile of packages at the side of his bed.

"Your sister sent you something, and Kondou-San, and Hijikata-San." Souji smiled slightly.

"My birthday's next week." he chuckled. He'd grown less lively as of late, instead just sitting quietly in his chair with his oxygen mask in place and his eyes focussed out the window. His indigo eyes, whenever he was like this, always made Shinpachi suspect that he wanted to go. The older male loved being outside and something about his look in those moments gave him the impression that Souji wanted to be somewhere else. It was an easy thing to relate to, after all they all wanted to go home once in a while.

Ayumu glanced at Saki, Saki glanced at Shinpachi, and Shinpachi glanced at Ayumu before they all three gave a weak grin and spread their arms wide to showcase their half-hung decorations and the small cake Ayu had made and the presents they had put together for him.

"Surprise." they all said in unison and Souji smiled at this, closing his eyes.

"Thank you."

"So how old are you?" Shinpachi asked once the cake was devoured and the presents had been opened. Souji was sitting on his bed, crosslegged, nibbling at a piece of cake they all knew he shouldn't have. Shinpachi was eating his third piece and Saki had hurried out saying something about getting insilin for herself before she ate any more. Ayu had left to run past her other patients before returning to the room. Souji laughed lightly.

"That's so rude!" he cried and Shinpachi blinked as he realized how childish his question had been. Running a hand through his hair, he flinched.

"I'm sorry. I-" he began but Souji laid back on his pillow, grinning at him once he'd finished laughing.

"I'll be 24." he answered waving a hand before laying it on his stomach. Shinpachi blinked at this. 24? He was that young?

"What were you like before you came here?" he asked, unable to keep his curiosity down. Souji grinned and closed his eyes.

"Just like I am now, I guess. I was a kendo teacher before. I recieved my mastery when I was 17, and was the head teacher of my school 6 months later." he looked as if he were dreaming while he stared at the ceiling in a daze. "I lived with the other teachers." Shinpachi nodded, envelopped in learning more about the older male he'd been living with for the past 5 months.

"In a community home, you said." Souji nodded and Shinpachi blushed slightly, having the feeling that Souji wasn't too happy with his interruption.

"I had a piglet, Saizou. We weren't supposed to keep pets, but Kondou-San and Hijikata-San helped me hide him. He was so small and he liked to play. His favorite game was tug of war." he laughed. "But they must have gotten rid of him by now." Souji mumbled and Shinpachi raised his head. "He was half-grown when I came here. He'd be too big to hide by now." his voice struck a sad chord and Shinpachi found tears welling in his eyes. His heart was aching as he watched the other male. His head was turned now to look out the window, one arm uner his neck, the other over his stomach. He was 24. He wasn't much older than Shinpachi himself. Someone that young...Someone that kind...Someone like him shouldn't have to die.

He wanted to ask more, but his throat was so tight, he couldn't bare to, instead he just rolled over onto his side and pretended to have fallen asleep.

"What about you?", Souji asked after a few moments of awkward silence, Shinpachi rolled over at this.

"What about me?", he asked curiously.

"What were you like before you came here?", the purple haired man insisted, Shinpachi smiled.

"I was on the Mibu Gaurd, I joined after I graduated...Sano and I were in it together, we've been best friends since we were kids. I lived with my two brothers, Tatsu and Tetsu, you met them at christmas. Our parents are dead so it was just the three of us", Souji nodded, "I remember when I was a little kid I always wanted to be in the Mibu Gaurd, the sad thing is I was only an active member for 4 and a half months before I got sick..." A sad smile over took his face and he rolled back over again there was a rope of sadness that strung through his voice, "I wish I could go back...but even if I do get out of here, I'll never be healthy enough to be a gaurd again..."

"You shouldn't throw your dreams away so quickly, then what do you have to live for?", Shipachi half rolled over and looked at him curiously, Souji smiled, "even here in my bed with this hole in my throat and cancer in my lungs I am still dreaming. Dreaming of a day when I get out of here", Shinpachi smiled at him and lay down again so that he was facing him, they really were becoming closer after all.

"You really want to get out of here, don't you?" Shinpachi asked and Souji nodded gently. Leaning back against the pillow, he turned his face to look out of the window once more.

"After 2 1/2 years, this place becomes a little depressing." he mumbled.

**June 31, 1999**

April came and went with May, soggy and dreary as the rainy season rolled right in. By June it was cooling off once again and the nurses were swapping shifts to get ready for winter. Shinpachi had grown much better, his doctor all but saying he was clear and ready to leave. Souji, on the other hand, had grown much more solitary and Shinpachi discovered early on that it was pretty hard to find him when he didn't want to be found.

Early one morning in June, Shinpachi was playing shogi with a couple of old men who'd both come in for hip surgery. He'd come to do this now-a-days since he'd been moved back out of the live-in ward. It was terribly lonely without Souji there to talk to, or to joke with. Especially when the two had just started to become close too.

"Thea you ah." Ayu called across the lunchroom. She was smiling brightly, her long hair tied back off of her face as it usually was. She offered a wave and bent beside the table. "You mind me stealin' ya?" she asked and Shinpachi shook his head, having learned that if Ayu was stealing him, it was usually a good thing. He really missed having her as his nurse since the nurse's hour change. His nurse now was a sour old goat he liked as much as one would like sitting on a pin-cushion.

"Where're we going?" Shinpachi asked curiously, well used to Ayumu's adventures of sneaking him off to some secret place and slipping him a treat or two. She grinned at him.

"We'a gonna visit Souji." she said with a bright smile and Shinpachi blinked. He hadn't seen Souji in weeks, but since Ayu had taken Saki's place as his nurse, he heard about him a bit. The red head sat up as they passed the old room and continued right on down the hall toward the clean rooms. "He's doin' alright since we moved him in hea." Ayu explained when he gave her a quizical look. "He don't like the fact that thea aren't any windows, though."

Souji's head rolled in the direction of the door as Ayu wheeled Shinpachi in in clean-room attire. He couldn't lift his head, the medication they'd been treating him with having sapped all of his strength. Shinpachi just stared at him the way Hijikata had. As if he were scared. He hated that look. He wanted to tell them not to make it, but he couldn't.

"How ya feelin'?" Ayu asked gently and Souji forced a smile from behind the oxygen tubes running beneath his nose.

"I'm alright." he mumbled quietly before turning his tired indigo's on Shinpachi. "Heard you were leaving in a little while." he gasped. "The nurses are talking about giving you a party." Shinpachi's throat was tight as he struggled to grin.

"You're the one who deserves the party." he tried and almost choked. Souji waved a hand at him and Shinpachi tried again. "Souji-"

"Don't." the plum-haired male said softly. "Just don't. I'm going to be fine, I made a promise, right? We'd die together if we die at all." he offered a weak chuckle, wringing his hands as pale and bony as they were.

Shinpachi gave a weak smile, though he felt close to crying and reached to touch his friend's hair.

"Yeah, yeah I remember", he mumbled, letting his other hand hold onto Souji's. He could feel how weak his friend had become, what toll the sickness had taken, and it wasn't a light one.

"Ah'll led yall catch up", Ayumu said gently before turning and heading out of the room.

"I heard you've been getting better since they moved you in here", Shinpachi choked softly, Souji gave a little smile and a nodd.

"If that's what they call it", he said with a laugh.

Smiling gently, Souji rolled his eyes at Shinpachi's expression.

"I'll be fine, really!" he insisted, his voice thinning as he lost oxygen. Moving weakly, Souji pulled himself up into a sitting position, Shinpachi letting out a nervous sound as he did. When the red head moved to help him, Souji held up a hand. "I can do it." he mumbled and Shinpachi sat back as the purple-haired male situated himself.

"Sorry-" Shinpachi began but Souji shook his head.

"Hijikata-San did the same." he let out a weak chuckle. "I'm fragile, he says." there was a bitter chord in his tone and it made Shinpachi's heart ache. There was so much he knew Souji wanted, and there was no way he could have any of it.

"Souji-" Souji cut him off.

"What is the one thing you wanted the most, when you were so sick you couldn't move?" he asked, his face turned away from Shinpachi as it was sometimes when he couldn't brave a smile. Looking down at his hands, the red head ran his fingers over the others in thought. After a minute he looked up at Souji as the plum-haired male continued. "It would be to be part of your guard again. To have that kind of life once more, right?" he asked and Shinpachi blinked before nodding.

"Yeah, I guess so." he mumbled and Souji looked back at him. He was smiling but there were tears sliding from his eyes as he closed them and tilted his head against the pillow.

"I'd want to have one more day teaching at my school." he croaked. Opening his eyes, he sat up, his smile trembling down. "I'd want one more day sitting under that old sakura tree in the yard, cleaning the shinai and telling my students stories. I'd want one more day just standing at the gate and looking up at the training hall." he was whispering after long and Shinpachi moved to hug him tightly. It wasn't something that Shinpachi did usually, but Souji had become so close to him, it hurt so much to see him cry like this. He had to do something. "I don't want to die, Shin-Chan." he whimpered. "I don't want to die yet!"

"I know." Shinpachi croaked as his throat tightened. In the whole time he'd known Souji he'd never seen him cry. He'd never seen him frown. That optimistic smile was always on his face and in his voice. He was always cheerful and happy. It was so surreal to see him get like this.

Halfway back to his own room, Shinpachi stopped Ayu near the landing, just to sit there and stare at it for a minute, thinking about his leaving in a month or so.

**July 12, 1999**

"Look who made it!" Saki laughed as she wheeled in Souji looking energetic, a smile on his face. He was teasing her for sounding like a little kid as she wheeled him into the cafeteria where the staff was having a farewell party for the red head. There were small games and a buffet that many of the other patients couldn't have anything off of. There was a meager talent show that some were doing and there was a card that was being passed around. It was small, but no one was complaining.

Shinpachi almost didn't want to go when he saw Souji, he almost wanted to take him and go back to their room and sit there talking like they had so many times before. He almost wanted to push Saki out of the way and take hold of that wheelchair and drive his friend back to the landing of the stairs where they had snuck to so many times before. Tears welled in his eyes as he thought about the day that Hijikata-san and Sanosuke had both come, they'd lied to Saki and run off.

Pushing himself up out of his own wheelchair, he walked weakly towards his friend, Sano following after him just in case he fell. Souji smiled gently as Shinpachi finally reached him and collapsed onto his knees. Burrying his forehead into his friend's knees, his tears dripped down his cheeks, wetting the cloth of his friend's hospital attire.

"Thank you for coming", he choked out, "I was so worried that you wouldn't come", he said meekly.

Souji smiled down at his friend and raised a hand up weakly to pet that mane of wild red hair.

"I just expect the same treatment when I get out of here", he said softly, "thank you for being my room mate for so long, I don't know how you put up with me..." Shinpachi's head shot up at these words and he almost looked happy through his tears.

"Don't say that, there's nothing about you that anyone could dislike! There was nothing to put up with", he smiled gently and kissed his friend's hand, "when you get out of here, I will be the first one at the going away party!", he said with a laugh.

Souji laughed too.

"Sounds fun." he mumbled and it seemed then that the talent show caught his eye and he jumped. "Ooh!" he pointed like a child at the karaoke machine set aside for anyone who wanted to sing as a talent. Looking up at Saki in a pleading way he held it until she sighed out a small 'fine' and he laughed. "It may be corny, but I'm going to join the talent show." he was bouncing when Shinpachi pulled back, grinning.

"We've got something for you first." he said and Souji's smile dropped and he blinked in confusion. His eyes glanced around from Shinpachi to Sanosuke to Saki before resting back on the red-heads browns. Saki turned him around in his chair to face the opposite direction and standing there, in full kendo attire, were all of the kendo teachers from Souji's community home, including Hijikata, Kondou, and Hajime. They each had a shinai in their hands and a smile on their faces as they stared on at their comrade.

"I...W-what's going on?" Souji barely managed to keep his voice level as Shinpachi walked around to the front of his wheel chair and knelt before him again. Resting his hands on Souji's knees he grinned up at him.

"You said you'd give anything to hold a shinai again." he said and Souji smiled at him. What he'd really said didn't matter as he felt the tears well up and a hnad on his shoulder brought his face up. It was Kondou standing there smiling at him.

"This isn't it." he said gently and Hijikata stepped around him to help Souji to stand. It took four men and ten minutes but it wasn't long before Souji was dressed in a pair of Hakama over his usual cotton kimono. A shinai was passed into his hands and Hijikata held him up as Hajime stood opposite of him, shinai raised. It was a little much for Souji and he ended up crying all over again.

Sanosuke grinned at Shinpachi now, the red head grinning back.

Toushi hugged the purple haired man tightly to his chest, determined not to let him fall as the purple haired man cried. The tear filled violet eyes immediately turned and scanned the room landing on Shinpachi he vaulted at him and wrapped him in a weak, tearful hug.

"Thank you", he whispered, feeling the red head's arms wrap around him to return the hug.

"No problem", Shinpachi replied, "it's the least I can do, since I'm leaving you here like this", Souji hugged him tighter.

"You had better be the first one to my party or you're gonna be in trouble", he choked a little on his words as he pulled back and Toushi took him back in to his arms.

Shinpachi laughed and stroked the older male's hair gently before setting him back into his wheel chair. The rest of the party seemed more about Souji than Shinpachi, but the red head didn't care. Souji had been there so much longer than him. He'd seen so many others get better while he sat in that hospital room waiting for the day when he'd leave through the front doors too. He'd spent 2 1/2 years smiling and talking and cheering up so many others, what did Shinpachi care if it was his party?

**August 5, 1999**

"You're re-enlisting?" Souji asked cheerfully, sitting up in his chair, the blanket spread across his lap sliding down just a little. Shinpachi nodded, grinning as usual.

"I thought I'd try." he laughed and Souji nodded. "You think it's a good idea?" he asked aprehensively and Souji nodded enthusiastically.

"Of course! You should do it!" he cried out and clapped his hands, coughing after a minute or two. Shinpachi eyed him warilly, his browns flicking from the emergency button to the plum-haired male and back again, but a moment passed and Souji waved a hand. "I'm alright." he chuckled and played with the end of his braid absently. After a long silence, he began to sing softly. It made Shinpachi blink as he had never heard the older male sing before and though it wasn't amazing, it was surprising how good it sounded. The song was a soft one.

_"This time, This place  
Misused, Mistakes  
Too long, Too late  
Who was I to make you wait  
Just one chance  
Just one breath  
Just in case there's just one left  
'Cause you know,  
you know, you know_

That I love you  
I have loved you all along  
And I miss you  
Been far away for far too long  
I keep dreaming you'll be with me  
and you'll never go  
Stop breathing if  
I don't see you anymore..."

His voice trailed off into a cough and Shinpachi didn't realize how intently he had been listening until then.

The red head smiled brightly.

"You sing very well", he said in a happy voice, Souji smiled.

"Thanks...it's been a while since I've sang...", Shinpachi smiled back.

"Well for being out of practice, you sing very very well", Souji nodded and leaned forward in his wheelchair.

"So tell me about this Mibu Gaurd!", and the red head set off on his story, the purple haired man listening intently.

An hour of chattering later and Ayu was walking in saying that visiting hours were over and Shinpachi needed to go. It gave the red head a very strange feeling to have to leave when everyone else did. Souji just smiled and waved and watched him go until the door closed after him.

**September 1, 1999**

Shinpachi ran up the steps of the Kohaku Bay City Hospital in excitement. An envelope in his hand from the Mibu Guard was open and flapping wildly as he ran. Not bothering to check in, he ran right past the front desk and to the elevator.

He'd made it into the Mibu Guard again. Even with his health history, they'd let him sign. Souji had told him not to give up, it was because of him that he'd received this chance!

Raching the third floor live-in quarters, Shinpachi broke out into a run down the hall. Passing nurse after nurse and doctor after doctor, he hadn't slowed by the time he reached the cafeteria and beyond it was Souji's room. patients were sitting in eating lunch, some just sitting while their nurses spoke to them.

"Shinpachi!" Ayumu's voice behind him made him jump and he leaped at her with furocious energy.

"I got in!" he cried and she let out a cry when he whirled around with her. Back, forth, around and around until they both were dizzy and had to stop because they were asked to. Looking around wildly for Saki as every other nurse in the hospital must have been in the cafeteria, Shinpachi panted from the fun. "Where's Saki, I gotta tell her." Ayu fell quiet from her congratulating.

"Shinpachi-" she began but bit her lip when he looked at her. Looking away she tousled with her hair. "She ain't hea today." she said stiffly and Shinpachi blinked. Saki had been moved back to being Souji's full-time nurse, it made no sense that she wouldn't be here.

"Where is she?" he asked and she lifted her head to look at him again.

"She...she just ain't hea, Shinpachi." the red head went cold.

"Who's taking care of Souji?" he asked slowly and she bit her lip again, fussing with her hair more aggressively. When she didn't answer he tried again. "Ayu? Who's watchin' Souji?!" he barked and she lifted her head, giving him a teary gaze.

"No one needs ta watch him no moa, Shin." she croaked and he blinked at her crying. Everything slowed down and his brain froze. Nothing seemed to make sense all at once and he took a step backwards. "He died last night." she whimpered. "He stopped breathin'."

Shinpachi froze, his heart stopping midbeat, his breath whooshed out of him and his throat closed.

"W-what?", he asked praying that he had misheard her, praying that she had just said that Souji had been moved or something like that.

"He died, suga", she said softly; Shinpachi's whole body went numb, but- but they had promised, he had promised...

Feeling tears well in his eyes, the red head hugged Ayu tightly, Souji hadn't kept his promise.

The funeral was 2 weeks later, Souji had been cremated and as the small group stood atop a cliff, overlooking Kohaku Bay, Shinpachi felt himself folding. This wasn't the end, it couldn't be. Someone, anyone had to say something. Souji couldn't be dead, it just wasn't a plausable idea. It wasn't practical. He was somewhere smiling and laughing and waiting to step out of the shadows and say 'Sorry for worrying you'. He had to be. He just had to be.

But then, Hijikata-San took a step forward, hold a small, black urn in his trembling hands. His face was undescribeable, tears welled in his eyes as he fought to keep them down. As he lifted the lid of the urn and reached in to take a handful of ashes, his face screwed up and Shinpachi knew all at once that it wasn't a dream. Soujiro Okita was no longer in this world. The thought made him grasp Sanosuke's hand tightly to keep himself standing. Sanosuek held him firmly so that he would not fall, so he would not go over the edge of the cliff as Souji was himself. And as he stood in the silence of the group, soft crying echoing in that silence, he could almost hear Souji again, singing that song that he'd been singing before, and Shinpachi joined him quietly.

_"On my knees, I'll ask  
Last chance for one last dance  
'Cause with you, I'd withstand  
All of Hell to hold your hand  
I'd give it all  
I'd give for us  
Give anything, but I won't give up  
'Cause you know, you know, you know_

_That I love you  
I loved you all along  
And I miss you  
Been far away for far too long  
I keep dreaming you'll be with me  
And you'd never go  
Stop breathing if  
I don't see you anymore_

_So far away  
So far away  
Far away for far too long  
So far away  
So far away  
Far away for far too long_

_But you know, you know, you know  
I wanted  
I wanted you to stay  
'Cause I needed  
I need to hear you say  
I love you  
I loved you all along  
And I forgive you  
For being away for far too long  
So keep breathing  
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore  
Believe it  
Hold on to me,and never let me go  
Keep breathing  
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore  
Believe it  
Hold on to me never let me go_

_Keep breathing  
Hold on to me, never let me go  
Keep breathing  
Hold on to me, never let me go"_

FIN


End file.
